5 Tips on marriage preservation after having a baby
Updated: Sep 22, 2021
Sometimes as we transition in life, especially after having children, our relationship can also evolve as well depending on our individual wants and needs. One of the things that I do believe we should always hold as important is our marriage, especially after a baby arrives.
Many relationship problems occur after a baby arrives that can potentially cause marriage woes and if not dealt with earlier on can put a strain on any marriage relationship.
A new baby requires more time and dedication along with additional stress that can bring its own problems. Moms can sometimes get soo caught up with the little ones ( I am so guilty of this) that we can neglect our "first love" (or first kid).
The key, however, is to acknowledge that this can happen but being prepared to handle it head-on can save a lot of the emotional strains and issues that can pop up later.
In order to ensure that we preserve our relationships as much as possible, we have to be accountable for creating the time needed to bond so that we can keep the "spark" in our relationship going.
So here are some ways to facilitate this process without neglecting our relationship.
Have you also found any ideas that you could share? Please feel free to add to my list, or ask your questions or concerns in our FORUM section. I would be happy to help you!
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“When daddy is happy, mommy is happy, and daddy will volunteer more easily to change some diapers or do night wakings (Good trade-off!)."
1. Call for help
I do understand that right after having a baby especially the first one, that you may be encaptivated by them and may not be so quick to hand them over to others. However be aware that by the time the second one appears, you will be quick to hand them over to anyone who will have them. True story! Read my blog post on 1st pregnancy versus 2nd pregnancy
Are Grandparents, aunts, siblings, or any friends available? Do give them bonding time with the baby and hit the road for some needed time together. This will create a community or environment of people that can really help you whenever you need them, in order to give you both some time alone.
Getting a nanny who is experienced with child care is another option to consider as well for needed date nights.
Another option is to do "day-nights". That is the option of having dates in the daytime while your child may be at daycare. Take a vacation day off and utilize it to have some time together at the gym, spa, etc.
2. Utilize nap and sleeping times
Let's face it, I love when the baby takes a nap because that means I can get a break as well. If both are available during that time, use it for your benefit in order to snag some alone time together to catch a quick movie, have dinner together, cuddle, etc.
A tip that I have utilized over time is keeping your child on a routine schedule. Start to establish a routine early in your children and you will thank me later.
Routine is key especially in children because it helps them to cope when things are more organized than the latter, as I have found in my own situation. My kids are on a daily routine that I stick with it even on the weekends.
This will really keep you organized especially when it comes to the needed time for bonding with your spouse. My kids, for example, have nap time scheduled for 8 pm and by 8:30 pm or 9 pm, both are usually asleep.
That gives me the time after they fall asleep to bond with hubby before bed or vice versa depending on my sleep schedule. Let's face it... it can be pretty tricky in the beginning to do this with a newborn, however after you have established a routine, it gets a lot easier.
3. Never let communication with each other dwindle
Communication is key in any relationship. It is the fire that keeps your marriage healthy. When a newborn baby arrives, the excitement and the stress involved can put a strain on the communication aspect of the relationship.
It is therefore important to continue fostering good healthy communication habits especially during the more stressful times of baby responsibilities.
If you keep the communication going at all times, when more stressful situations occur with your baby, it will not be so hard to reconnect with each other. Texting, for example, is a great way to keep communication exciting as well.
If hubby is back to work, text throughout the day loves messages or notes of appreciation for their dedication, especially if he is a new dad. They will feel less neglected and so appreciated.
Another great tip is to get these conversation starter cards on Amazon. These cards are so much fun as they have great questions to give you both something fun and exciting to talk about. Trust me on these tips. You will not have a fight with diaper duty or dreaded night feedings later once you keep the peace flowing between you two (shh... top secret info!).
4. Keep doing fun activities as a couple with the baby
Plan fun activities with your spouse and the baby to keep the stress down a bit. Having a baby does not mean that you have to stop the activities that you were both enjoying before.
A baby should not really change your bonding time activities. Yes, you may have to tweak your activities to more family-friendly arrangements for strollers, bathrooms with changing tables, etc. I don't intend for you to go camping with a newborn, but hey theme parks are more than ok to venture off with a baby.
I have personally brought my baby to the theme park because my husband and I both liked that activity prior to having kids. Therefore, we did not stop enjoying that activity just because of a baby arriving. Instead, we strapped on a child carrier available on Amazon and went to the theme parks with our baby.
We did activities that were baby-friendly together, or we went solo in rides and took turns. Restaurants and other places are so very flexible especially with babies so continue as normal to keep the fun and excitement going.
5. Keep intimacy going
Intimacy is key in keeping your relationship re-charged. Many moms get so caught up in "baby fever" that daddy gets neglected on the way.
I do understand that many moms complain about how they feel or look postpartum. Seriously, guys, your hubby understands what you just went through after seeing your birth experience. Trust me he will give you a break about how you look. He is still baffled by the birthing process!
Try you make it a priority to keep this crucial part of every marriage on fire and going (You will thank me later!). Mix it up and have fun as well it doesn't have to be scheduled or routine, just find the time.
I do understand there is a waiting period after giving birth for intimacy but once that time period ends, try to get the fire going again. Ladies do not keep your husband in "I just had a baby" guilt mode for more than a month. Give him some well-needed love and affection. FYI use the conversation starter cards mentioned above as well to spark some fire in intimacy.
Overall, It is necessary to keep your relationship fresh and exciting post-baby. The sooner you realize the benefits of not neglecting this crucial relationship, the better you will be able to remove problems that can occur later as a result of neglect.
Take all 5 tips into consideration and make the changes that are necessary. Do not delay, because 'marriage preservation is key especially after the baby arrives.
Did you find the strategies listed in this article helpful? What were some of your favorite tips? How have they worked for you? Leave a comment below, I’d love to know what you think.
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